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Friday, September 26, 2014

Heartbroken Dating

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Many experts tell us that we should not date after a painful rejection and loss. We should wait until we feel better and are all healed.
I feel it is often times beneficial to go through heartbroken dating.
Here is why I think we should be more socially active and dating right after those heartbreaks.   

Opportunities for Love
 
Guess what?
We have many more options open to us than we realize. The trouble is that we don't recognize these new dating opportunities because we feel bad.
  Feeling down and depressed tends to color our visual perception and limit our thinking. It isn't healthy to spend to much time alone when we are heartbroken because many times, we wind up feeling more sorry for ourselves than we should.
Better to be seeing members of the opposite sex and start to realize that there are other attractive bodies out there.
Sometimes, if we are left alone to our negative thoughts we can start believing them. We may start to feel that all members of the opposite sex are bad or may cause us pain. This is an extreme example but the idea should make sense. Meeting new people shows us that there is hope for new love to grow.
That is really an important part of why I feel we should go through that heartbroken dating. So we can't sit all alone and develop a negative pattern. That isn't healthy at all.
I am not saying that I think we should have a serious relationship right away, but that we should start dating and enjoying ourselves.
I have noticed in my own life that soon after rejection and loss there's usually someone who comes along and is willing to get to know me.
They give all the signals and even make a tentative move to see if I am responsive. Of course not! I was feeling bad about myself and life. I was wrapped up in my pain and misery. I would not give the person a chance. I was too worried about showing my shameful and unattractive loneliness to risk talking to them.

Love Nurse Nightengale

Maybe these girls could tell I needed a little inspiration and were there to give me a boost. The way sometimes girls do.
I know that women tend to avoid men who seem to have that weakness but I decided that sometimes, once in awhile, they will try to uplift a man and put him back on his feet. In a way that is very endearing. Seeming a nurse Nightengale to a foolish man.
Maybe they were actually attracted to me and genuinely interested. I think this is more often the case. As I said, they were making all the moves or were giving real signs of being open to me.

Don't Be Sad

Sad.
 Sad I am to have blown my chances just because I felt lesser or undesirable. I was projecting, without meaning to, my fears and negative emotions onto those women and they did nothing to deserve it.
Sad as well, because in all honesty, those were rather attractive girls. Ones that a man is happy to have at his side. Ones that are indeed a confidence booster and ego builder.
Sad because under normal circumstances I would be wanting to hop into bed immediately with her. Sad because they were better looking than the girl who had caused my pain to begin with.
You know what? Even worse than their good looks was the fact that they seemed sincerely honest and actually like very nice women.
The kind of personality that I would choose over looks any day of the week. The kind of decent woman who I would want to date.
I was a shame to myself to blow these chances of getting to know these great girls. To this day, I am more ashamed of blowing these chances than I am of losing a girl or being heartbroken.

Be Socially Active

I know that sometimes we need time to get over pain and be ready to date again, I think a better solution to our love woes is to get right back out there and start dating new people. My reasoning is this, the more we isolate ourselves from the opposite sex, the more we may feel sorry for ourselves.
We will remain lonely and the negative thoughts and emotions won't go away because we are in fact alone. In these circumstances, we have to much time to think and brood with nothing to distract us.
If we are out and about in public, we don't have so much time to spend with those bad emotions. Eventually we can realize that there are other singles that we feel attractionThat means there is more than that one person for us. We can see that though we thought we had love before, it wasn't well grounded in reality.

Do We Really Want Life Long Commitment?

Honestly, we don't really need to be head over heels in love anyway.
By cultivating the attitude of having fun meeting new people and experiencing new things, we can realize that we don't really want to be stuck on that "big love thing" anyway. If it comes along then fine but if it doesn't, what's wrong with cultivating new relationships and connections? Nothing.
The fact is love doesn't always last forever and long term relationships and marriage is hard work. To be totally honest, marriage is rather painful at times and isn't always as pleasant as it seems from the outside.
Loneliness is sometimes caused because we don't have anyone who we are connecting with. But, if we are socializing and dating then we find somebody to spend time with.
It may not be marriage or the "big L" word, but it is companionship.
That is what many of us are really after. Companionship, not necessarily a life long commitment.
A life long commitment means that we, as well as our partners, are to be committed to the relationship and not to ourselves. This is where our trouble tends to come from. We want others committed to us but after a few years, do we ourselves still want to be totally committed to them.
I am not just talking about sex. I mean about everything there is in life. Because that is what those relationships can be like. Love, money, housing, entertainment, medical expenses, vacations and everything must be considered with the other person involved.
Lonely WomanWhat I mean is that after awhile many people would sort of like to just worry about themselves, even if they are in a love relationship. They just want to leave their mess on the floor until the next day or wash clothes tomorrow or trim the yard next week.
 Instead you have a partner insisting that you wash your clothes, mow the yard and vacuum the floor right now! Whew! Back off and give me some space!
And while you are at it, I would like to sleep alone tonight in front of the television, with an open can of pop beside me. Not hearing a word from anybody about it.
That is why I mention that these long-term commitments or marriage can be a lot more than we bargained for in the beginning, and why they are not necessary for a loving and even faithful relationship.
That is why I say that a lot of us may actually be happier with companionship.
That is why I said we don't really need to be head-over-heels in love 24 hours a day. Believe me, no matter how much in love you feel, if you are around the same person all the time, you will need some time away.

Be Responsible for Yourself

When all is said and done, we are responsible for our own lives and happiness. Just because we are hurt doesn't mean that we can give up on living or that the pain will never end. Pain eventually passes and the love you feel for that person, who is gone, does fade.
 Maybe, we just hold onto a desire for true love, only they were not true love to begin with.
After a period of time, we even wonder why we loved that person so much as to think they are the reason for our very breath!
Actually, after a long enough  time passes, we tend to feel foolish for even thinking those thoughts. You are the reason I breath? Silly.
Life is too short to waste time feeling down in the dumps. Opportunities come when least expected and we should be ready for them. Your love left you but you are still alive, so it is your responsibility to take care of yourself.
Instead of moaning in agony, I think it is better to dust ourselves off, brush our teeth, go out and start dating new singles. Many times the people we meet are more fun than the ones who are gone and we can wind up far happier because we realize that we don't need one particular person to hold onto forever.

So next time you feel down because someone left or rejected you, Clear your head a little and go out and meet some new ones.
You never know, like me, you may find some really hot person staring you in the face and just waiting for you to say hi.
Don't blow your chance, take it!

Please share you experiences or thoughts below!


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